This a public blog, it is for pple to read, but rarely pple read it. They last they check it was a dead blog, so no one would tink it would come back alive again.
This is also my blog. as much as i wan to write everything, i filter things tt dun need to be seen. This aint a publicity act of sympathy. This is the place where i pen my thots, my feelings, only i have rarely done it cos u were there to listen to my tots. but my lately my tots were not received well so i returned back to my blog n write my feelings abt everything cos u just dun seem to understand n ure very much blocked by so many anger to think anything properly.

*he, who makes me smile, laugh and cry a lot*

Mengapa kau pergi
Mengapa kau kecewakan
Mengapa kau hancuri
Mengapa kau menghinakan
Mengapa kau sakiti
Mengapa kau melukakan
Mengapa kau memberi
Mengapa kau melupakan
Mengapa kau akhiri
Mengapa Kau Melupakan
Dengan getaran jiwa
Kukemukakan pertanyaan

Tak ingin kau pergi
Tak ingin kudikecewakan
Tak ingin cinta dinodai
Tak ingin dihancurkan

Tak ingin kudisakiti
Tak ingin kudilukakan
Tak ingin ku kau kuberi
Bila kau melupakan

Tak ingin ku di akhiri
Bila kau memuliakan dengan perasaan
Hampaku meminta jawaban

Di kananku cinta penuh bermadu
Di kiriku racunmu
Kalimah sakti yang mana untukku
Dapat kau membuat pilihan
Agar kita dapat bersama

Kau..bisa membahagiakan menceriakan
Kau..bisa menggembirakan mempesonakan
Aku…ingin dicintaimu dan mencintai
Aku…ingin bila terjaga kau di sampingku S'lamanya

Semoga cinta bersemi
Semoga cintamu kan dekat padaku
Asmara kan mengundang
Tanpa mengira waktu bertahta di hatimu dan di hatiku

Mengapa -Nicky Astria

stumbled on this song.. tot it fits me. me asking many questions to u.

*he, who makes me smile, laugh and cry a lot*

*Dats wat happens wen im pissed off big time. Bt im not sorry 4 wad i said*
*u dun hv 2 imagine. I said what is true. I din make aniting up. 2 qn hw much i noe my brothers n our integrity den 2 accuse me of assuming wad i noe by hear brought abt everything dat has happened to u. u cant accept it den i guess ders no pt pursuing d relationship.*

Read that all over again and again.

You said -wad u said was true. SO what have i been saying is lies to u? U were driving, i was at the back. I saw it and im stating the fact. And u noe that deep inside, that i would nvr insult any of u, But still u blame me for everything.

this thing does not need to be blown off like this. U dun like me stating the fact that i know, tell me off minus the F words and blaming. That i can accept.

On the contrary, Would you accept me saying any F words to u and blaming u? Of cos u wont. So do u think that now i simply accept that and carry on just as per normal?

So far u talked abt my family esp my sisters, have i blame u and curse u F words? I can even agree w u but to a certain extent about them. And that's it. But did i fight w u and cause big arguments? Did I?

just think abt that first. you just dun noe how much pain i have gone thru for this.

*he, who makes me smile, laugh and cry a lot*

They are still swollen till now but no one cares.

It started like this. I saw an incident that, to me, is not right. A brother playing around with his sister who is at any time could reach her puberty. Playing around can mean anything but he hugs her from behind, tickle and roll on the carpet. I did stop them, saying she might just vomit cos we all just had dinner but he just continue and i just keep quiet.

To me, it was not right cos she isnt a young kid no more unless it is Athirah or Umair or Azhad.
And I just had to tell him. Of cos, from my title u know it didnt turn out well.

*Fuck what u care* *You judge my family, my brothers, and you say I'm ego* * I made BIG mistake introducing to you to my family thinking you're sensitive enuf after the 5 yrs* *You no shits of my family. You no shits of being called anak ---------. Being separated from your sisters* *... little miss perfect life*

Those are some which i can remember without looking at my phone.

What can I say, we had a rough week, and me just saying my point, to him it is the end.
No i didnt judge his whole family. Yes i no shits of hardships. Maybe I had not been called anak ------ but yah they said something as bad as that 3 YEARS AGO to me for your information.

*They wished they hadnt had me.*

N YES i said you're egoistics cos u MISTOOK what i meant and return me with a lot of FUCK you, FUCKing shit.. without giving what i meant A SECOND THOUGHT. did you? No, definately not. You were engrossed with anger, blaming me for all.

NOt only that, ur sister msn me blames me for all too though she said sorry which i know you would have told her so. Imagine the whole family. I dunno what you say to them either esp in ur anger.




raya came, and now it feels raya went.

apart from the strain and communication breakdown somewhere, i tot things things are getting better. be it for friends and him.

but then it took a toll yesterday, when he has to work on sat at 6pm plus having theory lesson or test for 2a at 2pm. i dun mind of the thoery thingy. but the work, i know he had the ability to change at least, the timing when the boss sms him the schedule. but he didnt. but now wad can i do? I have feelings u noe as much as u have. and all of sudden i just cant be upset cos u have to work. fine tt is how u c it. sorry for the first attitude though but when i say what i feel, u just cant accept it. so where can i say what i feel??

now u say u're no mood for raya with the upsets and expectations. how abt me?

ya i am sorry i badly wanted to drive and expect u to drive as well. but that is old history.
we r now taking bus. then u say organiser is not replying or talking to u.

u think she really talks to me?

i am just thankful to rod and zila for just not giving me the same cold shoulder for wad has happened.

im done.